The Owl and the Pussycat

mini_holli @ 2009-03-05T00:08:00

2009-03-05T00:37:11Z

I'm behaving myself these days.
It seems a complete betrayal to the mindset I had had before.

Previously, I had thought it completely romantic to wake up, breakfast on some mono-expensive wine, paint something, wander around town with a notebook, scribble something a tramp would agree with, come home, pass out, wake up and wonder what on earth had happened, yet agree with the fact that "Anything forgotten is worth its weight in its own wonderment.".

Now, things have changed. I have my tiny teeny baby, I have my devastatingly wonderful boyfriend, I have my sweet little house with a linen cupboard and a nursery, a garage and two gardens. I have a front door, and I have a back door. Don't scuff your feet over the back door, because it's slate. Bow before me, and kiss my sweet smooth patio. (Ignore my overgrown lawn, it's fairly embarrassing.)

But I feel I dont deserve it. It's strange, I rarely take time to think over things nowadays, what with being a busy bee and all, but... I can't piece it all together and come to any conclusion. I dont feel I deserve this life, I haven't done anything wondrous, anything worth noting, anything monumental, anything BEAUTIFUL. I suppose the book "The five people you meet in heaven" would make me feel better about the situation, but that's for anyone, that's for any passing pod, and I want to be more than that. I want to mean something to somebody.
I know I have touched people before with my art, on a small, illustrative scale, and I want to do that again. But more.

My old stuff seems so immature, and I know I have so much more in me, things that haven't just been influenced by other people, something COMPLETELY original and organic, something that grew from somewhere no-one else tread. I want to plant a little bean and watch a gargantuous, beautiful monster emerge from it, knocking cliches down with its huge paws, pissing on popular music (fuck you, Ting tings, no Lady Gagas allowed), stamping on ray-bans and completely ignoring haircuts.

My daughter will not be influenced by any of these modern parodies, they are simply too shamefull. Tilly is her own person. I will make sure of it. Any shallow cheerleaders, I will eradicate.

xxx

mini_holli @ 2009-01-21T00:58:00

2009-01-21T01:11:44Z

Right, I'm deeeeeeeelighted, writing after god knows how long. It's like a shitty book, ooh, how weeeeel have you been doing, tell us who you've shagged and which species of Ryvita you've sucked, which brand of fat have you been poking?

I am a happy bunny. I am so sorry. I feel I have such navy-ness (not black-ness) to report. But the black stuff is too funny, I don't want to label it black, I dont want to give it a colour, (or shade?) I dont want to give it a good night out.
MY LIFE IS FUCKING HILARIOUS.
I wake at 7.30-8.00 am, to the sound of a tiny baby uttering the sound "uh uh ooooh eeeeeeeeeh bah bah bah bah mama mama MAM MAM MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMAMAMAMAMAA DADA DADA MAMA" and it's hilarious.
My child althogether becomes the greatest comic since tommy cooper, in the height of his fez.

I'm hoping you're not documenting me in some sort of gyppo "he took his shirt off and bummed me."

God, this is thuggish. Knobhead.
I clearly need to be bummed in some sort of hotel room.
This is fucking ridiculous.
I AM SO BRITISH.
TALK TO BEAULY.
THEY WILL KILL YOU.

mini_holli @ 2006-03-06T10:39:00

2006-03-06T10:42:24Z

My eyes feel like hummingbirds.

Medicine

2005-10-08T11:56:29Z

1. They said I made the moon. Everything was in the dark. No memories at all. Just a tiny, freezing wind in my back. And I was sitting there, singing a song I had never heard before. Suddenly, a voice told me: "Keep on singing little girl, and raise your arms to the big black sky. Raise your arms the highest you can, so the whole universe will glow."

2. My first vision was a bush growing down the river, and I couldn't stop crying. Something was missing: I realised I was in love with the voice. I called it again and again, but all I heard was the echo in the light.

LIGHTNESS AND WEIGHT

2005-07-05T17:49:28Z

All this time he was sitting up in bed and looking at the woman who was lying beside him and holding his hand in her sleep. he felt an ineffable love for her. Her sleep must have been very light at the moment because she opened her eyes and gazed up at him questioningly.

"What are you looking at?" she asked.

He knew that instead of waking her he should lull her back to sleep, so he tried to come up with an answer that would plant the image of a new dream in her mind.

"Im looking at the stars" he said.

"Don't say you're looking at the stars. That's a lie. You're looking down."

"That's because we're in an aeroplane. The stars are below us."

"Oh, in an aeroplane," said Tereza, sqeezing his hand even tighter and falling asleep again. And Tomas knew that Tereza was looking out of the round window of an aeroplane flying high above the stars.